Fearless and Tentative

A friend asked me recently if I was being tentative, and it set me to thinking.  One of the tangents I went down was which meaning of tentative were we talking about--the sense in which things are neither certain or fixed, but instead are just not fully worked out?  Or, were we talking about the one where you are hesitant and acting without confidence? For clarity's sake, let's call-- 

• "tentative-not fixed or fully worked out"- tentative number 1, and 
• "tentative-hesitant, lacking confidence"- tentative number 2.  

Statements and actions that are tentative in the here's-what-I-am-thinking-now-but-it's-not-fully-worked-out sense require a certain willingness to lean into a subject and face the uncertainties-- a sort of fearlessness about life.  "I don't know for certain, but here is what i think, how about you?"  A conversation that proceeds this way may run the risk of your having to accept that there is indeed another way to look at something (you may not have exclusive hold on the right answer or position!), or even being persuaded to look at the situation differently (change your mind?!?).  This is tentative 1.  

If, on the other hand, you have spent all your time building up this ego that has fixed opinions, likes, dislikes, etc. and have become attached to it, you might feel tentative as in uncomfortable when contradicted--or even fearful if you have allowed the matter to assume some great importance to you and your identity.  Being wrong can be a threat to your ego.  You might even have your ego wrapped up in the righteousness of your opinion.  This might make you a little hesitant, even tentative (as in tentative 2).  

Living that way, you withdraw from what you fear.  Even your hopes are just re-worded fears (e.g., I hope that is the good news we are expecting is another way of saying I hope it's not the bad news we were afraid of).  But I kind of like the tentative number 1.  I can accept and seek to understand others, have compassion for them and try to make life better for all of us with this form of tentative, I think. And I don't have to be afraid--if there's change, it will work out, it always has.

In a sense, being tentative number 1 requires the ability to detach and let go a little.  Don't get so convinced about what you think or have said or decided about some aspect of life.  After all, life is change, and impermanence is an overarching part of our existence, even if we try to believe otherwise.  We change, our lives and families change, our bodies, our minds, our very cell structure changes.  If we look closely, nothing is permanently permanent, is it? 

Look at us--what we see as our form or body changes constantly (can you say aging?), what we feel emotionally changes overnight, our senses play tricks on us--sometimes fooling us. Don't get me started on our thoughts, they are constantly flying around in our heads like chattering monkeys.  If experience tells us all of this about what goes on around us, what do you make of this whole idea of the inside-you, your consciousness?  Tentative number 1 is sounding like it fits reality, isn't it?  Think about it, I mean really think

In our own heads, we are probably a bit tentative number 2 from time to time, aren't we?  Not absolutely certain of this or that just yet.  It often takes a lifetime of building to develop the certainty we sometimes claim.  Over years of experience, we have attached ourselves to some fixed ideas and convinced ourselves, maybe, that we have a firm grip on what's right.  Hmmm, then why are there so many different opinions in this world?  They can't all be right, can they?  If that is so, then do you really believe that, by some happy circumstance, yours just happen to be the right ones?  It seems more sensible to be tentative number 1 about life. It's easier to face life and live it this way.  Don't assume the burden of being right all the time, you will learn to fear being wrong about things and it might make you hesitant (tentative 2) about life.

Oh sure, many rightfully believe in a world of absolute truths that are articles of their faith--the existence of God, of heaven and, perhaps, even hell.  I mean no disrespect to those beliefs, but that is what they are--they are beliefs.  It takes a leap of faith to accept those ideas.  But they arise, not out of our earthly experience, but out of some external transmission through a prophet, or a Messiah, who is at once human and divine, or some other prophet or being inspired by an external force.  

When we examine our earthly experience, we see change, change, change...  So, my sense is that expressing opinions or in the broader sense, living our lives, is something we might want to engage in tentatively.  Accept the fact of change and uncertainty, but lean into it and live life!  Do it as brilliantly, as fearlessly as you can.  

If you don't, you are bound to wind up living the life of tentative number 2, hesitating, never fully committing to anything, but clinging fast to what you think is right--what your ego is convinced of.