Does this strike anyone else as funny? As snow marched across the Midwest for the first time since last winter, this line was uttered by Brian Williams on the evening news. I wonder what Des Moines would look like if a giant foot actually fell on it? And, where would the rest of the giant have fallen? If it fell in Iowa, did it get back up? In the process of getting back on its feet, could it avoid kneeling on the Quad Cities? I have never been to Des Moines, but I know some cities that looked like a giant stepped on them. I mean stepping on them is probably different from falling, right? Take Detroit, MI, for example, or Rochester, NY. Something clearly stepped on them, and probably kept moving. What kind of giant was it? Who knows, he was moving much faster than either city was. How fast can Des Moines move? Questions like this don't occur to me very often, but I think they bear some rumination (note the use of one part--number 329-- of the famous "Vocabulary of Success: 403 Words Smart People Should Know.")
How fast can a city go? I lived in Atlanta in the 1980's, and it was moving pretty fast. In fact, Gwinnett County (the suburban county where I actually lived) was the fastest-growing county in the U.S. for five years running (imagine living in a county that was running for five years). In the end, I moved somewhere that moved slower, in fact a place with a surfeit of slow--Savannah, GA. (Wow...surfeit, that makes 2 words from the 403 now--that was number 355). How slow is Savannah? It took five years to approve and open its first Target Store. For at least a year of that period, we were seeing TV ads in anticipation of the store's arrival, not because the Target marketing people were so forward-looking--Savannah was just moving slower than the rest of the world ever imagined it could move, if cities still move. I'd call it glacial movement, but Savannah is just in too warm a climate.
But, we were talking about a foot falling on Des Moines. We leave words out of sentences all the time. Little wonder, we say, we're in a hurry, all the time. Probably that giant that stepped on Des Moines--oh, I mean fell. Oh, stop, I'm being silly. It was snow that fell on Des Moines--a foot of snow. So, it was a giant foot of snow--the Abominable Snowman's? But I thought he was imaginary, and what is he doing in Iowa? OK, he said he'd be home for Christmas, and was taking a short cut. You know the song, "I met a man who lives in Tennessee, and he was headed for Pennsylvania and a homemade pumpkin pie..." We just missed the verse that follows that one. Here's the original verse:
I met a man who lives in TennesseeAnd he was headin' for PennsylvaniaAnd some home made pumpkin pieFrom Pennsylvania folks a travelin' downTo Dixie's sunny shoreFrom Atlantic to Pacific, man,The traffic is terrific
and here's the one we missed:
A big old snowman fell on Iowa,
and he was mighty sore, not where home was,
home made pie for him no more.
He rolled on the Quad cities indeed all four,
and home was no closer than it ever was before.
From Rochester on to Detroit,
gee the stomping was terrific.
Oh, he loves to see the Arctic
No good, huh? I probably should have quit while I was ahead, or was it a foot?
Merry Christmas, may these holidays find you safely home. God bless us everyone.
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