Ever have one of those days? You know, you wake up with several crises looming and a list of steps you expect will address each of them? To deal with the first, look up the tracking number on that letter you sent and you'll know they are taking care of it. For the second, call the service center line, wait your turn and they will clear up the confusion. And the third, all you need to do is track down that original email with the information you seem to have lost.
Well, today, I tracked the letter to confirm it was delivered, called the service center and asked the question, and found the email I received with the original information.
The results--the letter was signed for by the wrong person, who held it for three days before handing it to the addressee. When I asked my question at the service center, after putting me on hold three times, she took my number, promised to call back and didn't. The email had an attachment, just not the one I was looking for. Oh for three.
Tomorrow, I will have answers from all three.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Dogs and Their People
Recently, I moved from one doggy community, to one even more
profoundly so. I mean mine had been a
vacationers’ paradise, but with a twist that took a while for me to
notice. Many who travel to this part of
the world (Hilton Head Island, SC) do so because their dogs are also welcome
here. On countless mornings, strangers
walking the beaches in the morning hours (before 10 AM and after 5 PM) meet and
greet with the help of their dogs.
In the off-season (between Labor Day of one year and
Memorial Day of the next), dogs are welcome on the beach all day long. It is almost as common here for people to
bring their dogs to restaurants as it seemed in Europe when I visited
there. Everyone is looking for a
restaurant with outdoor seating, which implies to many that pets will be
permitted. But the clincher is when you
see water bowls conveniently located around the eatery. Dogs are welcome, and their people, too.
But now, I see people taking dogs for walks in strollers,
and in golf carts. One good thing I have
observed is about the golf carts, they stopped and walked their dogs—actually
leaving the cart. Have I seen anyone
take their dogs out of their strollers?
Not that I can recall. People, do
you remember what you are walking your dog for?
Today I watched three people who appeared to be walking
their dog together. It was a man with
two girlfriends
Don’t get the wrong idea here; he and the dog shared a leash,
that’s true.
But being behind him meant nothing at all to the other two.
As was easy to see, the girlfriends paid him no mind.
They were talking and walking many paces behind.
I think they were friends, though they could have been
neighbors
But clearly just one of them carried the fruits of their
labors,
I’m sure one was getting the straightest of poop,
I just couldn’t tell which had provided the scoop,
Two bags she did carry, with what had been scooped,
Each with a fresh load that the dog had just pooped.
During the walk filled with startings and stoppings
The man with the leash wasn’t leading at all,
Nor were the two girlfriends, who carried the droppings,
Of that hound, their real leader, the king standing tall.
(It happens sometimes, I just break out in rhyme
I’ll soon be over it, just a matter of time)
I’ll soon be over it, just a matter of time)
Monday, December 7, 2015
I Should Be Kicking Myself
I'm here to tell you I've taken up boxing. My own pair of boxing gloves will be here next week. I've been using a pair of borrowed gloves for my first two sessions. If you knew how old I am, you'd probably be as shocked as I am. And another thing, I'm doing this on the recommendation of my daughter. She has read the research and says this is good for people like me. But it's true. Twice a week I go to the gym and work on learning how to throw a variety of punches, in a series of combinations.
I'm practicing keeping my hands up, fighting my height, returning to my own stance after each foray. Oh, did I mention it is technically mixed martial arts that I'm learning? I mean, when you're learning to fight, why limit yourself to just throwing five or six different punches, when there are five or six kicks you can use? I'm sure it will be just as easy to learn multiple martial arts at the same time as it is to simply focus on just boxing.
There are a few initial hurdles, I have to admit. Take for example the first I encountered, when my instructor had to show me how to put on my borrowed boxing gloves. Sure, you're probably chuckling at that one, but try it some time. You pull on the first one easily enough. You pull it on and wrap the strap around your wrist using the super easy Velcro fastener. Yes, you may not remember, but you used to have to lace up and tie the gloves like shoes. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, I had just put on the first glove. Now, picture this, I reach for the other glove, but I can't really grip it with my gloved hand. You see, my fingers are immobile inside this large leather-encased cushion about three inches thick. Oh, and my thumb is turned inward and enclosed in a cushion of its own. Pulling it on is a struggle, but I can manage it. It's on at least, now how do I grab that strap I need to pull around my wrist to tighten it up enough so it will keep the glove firmly on my hand while I am punching? Not so easy, but my instructor shows me a trick and it's done.
Next, my instructor says, "Hit me." I don't move. He says it again. "Hit me." I still don't make a move. He gives me a quizzical look. "I don't hit guys like you." He's five inches taller, outweighs me by forty pounds ( I can't say for sure, but I'd guess it's mostly muscle). He laughs and says, "Probably not."
I could go on and on about initial hurdles in this project. But let me just give you one more. At the end of my 2nd session, John says, "I'll set the timer for one minute, and you hit this bag any way you can." While I wait, I'm thinking, "I start with a jab, then...." The bell rings and I'm all over it. I'm punching, using combinations--short ones, my memory of what he's just shown me is not all that detailed. But it goes on, and on, and on, and on... Finally, the bell rings. And I can barely breathe! and I'm fighting an inanimate object that can't swing back. How do they do it?
Then, John asks, "How come you weren't kicking?"
I'm practicing keeping my hands up, fighting my height, returning to my own stance after each foray. Oh, did I mention it is technically mixed martial arts that I'm learning? I mean, when you're learning to fight, why limit yourself to just throwing five or six different punches, when there are five or six kicks you can use? I'm sure it will be just as easy to learn multiple martial arts at the same time as it is to simply focus on just boxing.
There are a few initial hurdles, I have to admit. Take for example the first I encountered, when my instructor had to show me how to put on my borrowed boxing gloves. Sure, you're probably chuckling at that one, but try it some time. You pull on the first one easily enough. You pull it on and wrap the strap around your wrist using the super easy Velcro fastener. Yes, you may not remember, but you used to have to lace up and tie the gloves like shoes. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, I had just put on the first glove. Now, picture this, I reach for the other glove, but I can't really grip it with my gloved hand. You see, my fingers are immobile inside this large leather-encased cushion about three inches thick. Oh, and my thumb is turned inward and enclosed in a cushion of its own. Pulling it on is a struggle, but I can manage it. It's on at least, now how do I grab that strap I need to pull around my wrist to tighten it up enough so it will keep the glove firmly on my hand while I am punching? Not so easy, but my instructor shows me a trick and it's done.
Next, my instructor says, "Hit me." I don't move. He says it again. "Hit me." I still don't make a move. He gives me a quizzical look. "I don't hit guys like you." He's five inches taller, outweighs me by forty pounds ( I can't say for sure, but I'd guess it's mostly muscle). He laughs and says, "Probably not."
I could go on and on about initial hurdles in this project. But let me just give you one more. At the end of my 2nd session, John says, "I'll set the timer for one minute, and you hit this bag any way you can." While I wait, I'm thinking, "I start with a jab, then...." The bell rings and I'm all over it. I'm punching, using combinations--short ones, my memory of what he's just shown me is not all that detailed. But it goes on, and on, and on, and on... Finally, the bell rings. And I can barely breathe! and I'm fighting an inanimate object that can't swing back. How do they do it?
Then, John asks, "How come you weren't kicking?"
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Another Prince and the Pea Moment, or It Never Hurts To Demonstrate a Little Sensitivity Once in a While
Recently, I felt a little drowsy while reading a book on a Sunday afternoon, so I decided to try a little something I have heard stories about from time to time, but never had the time to try--a nap. So I laid down on a bed, on my side, not my back, of course, because I have been told that other people from time to time who sleep on their backs tend to snore. Anyway, I felt a little twinge of a lump of something at about the height of the bottom of my pants pocket. My first thought was to roll over onto my opposite side, but I remembered I carry my wallet in my side pocket instead of my back pocket, having given up the habit of carrying it in my back pocket after reading some airline travel magazine article about probably one of the top ten spots where one had to watch out for pickpockets, that is (I am not making this up) while touring the Vatican in Rome. The advice offered there was to stop carrying one's wallet in a back pocket, as that made one "easy pickings" for any pickpocket. The preferred alternative is to carry it in your side pocket, preferably with your hand casually stuck in the pocket as well. I thought this was a much better strategy than the one adopted by my spouse's father in his later years. He would wrap several rubber bands around his wallet, making it harder for a pickpocket (or--remember this--anyone else) to slip it out of of that pocket. Consequently, he spent an inordinate amount to his time when the bill came for dinner trying to tug out his wallet and remove the several rubber bands to get at his money or credit card, thereby avoiding any risk of picking up the check for a meal.
So I decided not to flip over on my other side, but instead to remove whatever small object was in the pocket on the side on which I was lying. It was probably just a peanut, or an M&M candy, or an M&M candy-covered peanut. Ah, but as I emptied said pocket, I found two pair of flip-up, clip-on sunglasses, a key fob for an automobile with a key ring and post office box key, $1.63 in change and an Apple iPhone 6s... Now, I'm left wondering about those people who, every once in a great while, observe that I may not be the most sensitive person around, perhaps even a little insensitive or was it non-sensitive, or full of nonsense? Hmmm,.... I talked to my friend H. C. Anderson, and he said not to worry, although it might have given him an idea for a story.
So I decided not to flip over on my other side, but instead to remove whatever small object was in the pocket on the side on which I was lying. It was probably just a peanut, or an M&M candy, or an M&M candy-covered peanut. Ah, but as I emptied said pocket, I found two pair of flip-up, clip-on sunglasses, a key fob for an automobile with a key ring and post office box key, $1.63 in change and an Apple iPhone 6s... Now, I'm left wondering about those people who, every once in a great while, observe that I may not be the most sensitive person around, perhaps even a little insensitive or was it non-sensitive, or full of nonsense? Hmmm,.... I talked to my friend H. C. Anderson, and he said not to worry, although it might have given him an idea for a story.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
I Haven't the Foggiest, While I''m Lost in the Fog
I recently deliberately took leave of my senses and plunged into the fog that passes for a pre-primary season as we approach a presidential year (2016). I had committed myself to the task of understanding the virtues the Republican electorate was projecting onto Donald Trump. I mean, he really isn't all those things he pretends to be, but he has a flamboyant mouth that has garnered most of the attention of the media. Republicans are thirsting for a candidate they believe the country will need--to repair what they perceive has broken over the past eight to ten years. Combine that thirst with the flamboyant character mouthing some of the things he sees as wrong with the current state of affairs and you have an electorate that literally has an "identity crush" on Trump. They, like any other person who develops a crush on another, are projecting onto this man the attributes or virtues they see as needed in this country. My sense was that if I looked at what they thought they see in him, I would learn what qualities they really wanted. I wound up lost in a fog, the likes of which we haven't seen since the last presidential election, and it took a long time for me to make any headway.
(Please note the above represents my fourth attempt at explaining what I mean about the attraction to Trump. It isn't real, but it may provide some insight.)
I kept looking, and looking, but there just wasn't any there there. It was a fog, I finally decided that there was indeed one commonality that all sorts of Trump supporters and Trump curiosity seekers seemed to have--fog, and by coincidence the word "fog" offers an acronym for that attribute--FOG, meaning Fire Our Government. Almost everyone taking an interest in him seems to agree that the incumbents have accomplished nothing and they need to go. (You can tell my brain just wore itself out, can't you?) I decided that people believe some extraordinary things about Mr. Trump. But let me assure you these things are not really Trump--only in the very real sense that they were projecting things that are not there. Seriously, folks, he is none of these things. He just has a bag of wishful thinking that makes people think he has some of these things, despite the fact that he demonstrably does NOT possess any of them:
They believe/wish he'd be a military leader like Colin Powell
They believe/hope he's not willing to just say anything that will get him elected.
They believe/hope he's not like any of those presently in congress or the executive branch, neither of whom have demonstrated any capacity to do anything.
They wish he'd be a Washington outsider like Ronald Reagan, but savvy enough to make the deals necessary to move this country ahead. Remember Reagan and Tip O'Neill?
They believe/wish that he'd be a businessman, like a manager in a successful private industry giant like, let's say Jack Welch--as opposed to a money mogul running a casino business into the ground.
They believe/wish he would be someone who can get things done through others.
They believe/wish he would be a shrewd investor like Warren Buffett. (and a whole lot more)
These all seem to be projections that do not describe Donald and most likely never will. But he knows how to put into words what the voting public wants to hear, along with some entertaining farcical pieces mixed in. Unfortunately, he offers no details. But who can argue with a man who says things we mistake for the following:
I will--
(Please note the above represents my fourth attempt at explaining what I mean about the attraction to Trump. It isn't real, but it may provide some insight.)
Attempting this task, I had to wade through some pretty awful stuff--here is just a taste:
- I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.
- How much money did Barack Obama waste today on crony green energy projects?
- The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.
- The line of ‘Make America great again,’ the phrase, that was mine, I came up with it about a year ago, and I kept using it, and everybody’s now using it, they are all loving it. I don't know. I guess I should copyright it.
- You have to be hit by a tractor, literally, a tractor, to use it, because the deductibles are so high. It's virtually useless.
- I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I'll build them very inexpensively, I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.
- I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.
- The beauty of me is that I'm very rich.
- I have a great relationship with the blacks.
- People say, 'Mr. Trump, you're not a nice person.' But actually I am.
- When Mexico sends its people … they are bringing drugs and they are bringing crime and their rapists.
- The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.
They believe/wish he'd be a military leader like Colin Powell
They believe/hope he's not willing to just say anything that will get him elected.
They believe/hope he's not like any of those presently in congress or the executive branch, neither of whom have demonstrated any capacity to do anything.
They wish he'd be a Washington outsider like Ronald Reagan, but savvy enough to make the deals necessary to move this country ahead. Remember Reagan and Tip O'Neill?
They believe/wish that he'd be a businessman, like a manager in a successful private industry giant like, let's say Jack Welch--as opposed to a money mogul running a casino business into the ground.
They believe/wish he would be someone who can get things done through others.
They believe/wish he would be a shrewd investor like Warren Buffett. (and a whole lot more)
These all seem to be projections that do not describe Donald and most likely never will. But he knows how to put into words what the voting public wants to hear, along with some entertaining farcical pieces mixed in. Unfortunately, he offers no details. But who can argue with a man who says things we mistake for the following:
I will--
- Restore our greatness--as an ally, a leader among nations and a force for good. Confront Russian and any other enemies when necessary.
- Get the economy moving again--here at home and among other free nations. If that means tax reform, let it lead to a simpler tax code that also stimulates investment. Here, Trump tries to straddle a fence. he wants to rebuild America's roads and bridges, build new VA hospitals, k]increase the military budget and reduce the deficit. He wants to do this without raising taxes. He will do all this without increasing taxes. Instead, he wants to grow the economy by cutting taxes. I am sorry to say this, but I don't see how this can happen just because Donald says so. Show me some facts, details, estimates, numbers--something.
- Stop illegal immigration. and secure our borders from extremists; while continuing to welcome people seeking freedom. When protecting our borders, be willing to do whatever it takes. If that means walls are what it takes, then do that, but deal fairly with the "illegals" who are here, contributing members of our economy and society.
- Address the growing budget deficits--not by talking about it, by doing something that begins to turn the tide in the right direction.
- Get things done, where necessary, compromise. But above all be an effective leader who can get things done through others. Yes that's management, but good management includes a vision and a culture that works together.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Trump Crushes and The Next Step
"Trump-fever" seems to have overwhelmed millions, yet I've noticed a few things. First, no one I know well takes him all that seriously. (Since I haven't actually asked a lot of people directly, I expect sooner or later I will feel the need to directly ask a few people to identify self-identify as true Trump fans before I draw any conclusions).
I formed another, similar impression last Saturday. I was strolling around a typical art fair/seafood festival--well they are frequent enough around here that I have attended dozens over the past 20 years, and I think this one was not far different from most others. Anyway, I noticed an unusual booth. It was what appeared to be the local Republican Party's booth. It was adorned exclusively with Trump signs and stickers. The odd thing to me was that no one was approaching the booth. There were eight or nine smiling Trumpeters, but no one looked to be willing to even speak to them. I found myself asking, "Are people embarrassed to admit they support Mr. Trump? Who else is embarrassed to have it become known they "like" someone? Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
Yes, it made me reflect on some reading I have done on adolescent/teenage crushes, and what psychologists think about them. As we all know, crushes are those sometimes otherwise inexplicable attractions that are often developed by pre-adolescent and adolescent young people (and some adults, I would say) toward people to whom they might be slightly attracted.
Now, it is important that I make a clarifying distinction--there are "romantic" crushes and "identity" crushes. I am talking about the latter kind. Psychologists say that although the crush appears to be about attraction to another person, it is actually about projection of valued attributes onto another person. In this sense, the crush is a statement about what a person finds attractive. In this, crushes are very revealing.
So, remembering that the person who has the crush largely projects onto another person idealized attributes the admirer highly values and wants to be associated with, and then she or he attaches strong positive feelings to the perfectly wonderful image that has been created, we need to take a look at what people are projecting onto Mr. Trump. and that is harder to examine, given that few of the people I have met or know actually support him. Think about it--we do not have to study Mr. Trump and his message (at last I don't think we do), we have to study what admirers have projected onto him.
The media are missing the point by choosing to publicize all of his ridiculous statements, aren't they? This complicates things. I will have to step aside and try studying what people are projecting onto him, but at the moment, no one I know personally is openly supporting him. "Is a puzzlement," said the King in "The King and I."
So, onward we must go, mostly without the help of the media, to learn what those having this short-term "crush" on Mr. Trump are really seeking. Or, we can accept the media's current perspective, which seems to be "Wow, listen to what that whacko Trump said yesterday! And look at the polls, he leads all the other Republican candidates, so all of them must be whacko, too."
I formed another, similar impression last Saturday. I was strolling around a typical art fair/seafood festival--well they are frequent enough around here that I have attended dozens over the past 20 years, and I think this one was not far different from most others. Anyway, I noticed an unusual booth. It was what appeared to be the local Republican Party's booth. It was adorned exclusively with Trump signs and stickers. The odd thing to me was that no one was approaching the booth. There were eight or nine smiling Trumpeters, but no one looked to be willing to even speak to them. I found myself asking, "Are people embarrassed to admit they support Mr. Trump? Who else is embarrassed to have it become known they "like" someone? Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
Yes, it made me reflect on some reading I have done on adolescent/teenage crushes, and what psychologists think about them. As we all know, crushes are those sometimes otherwise inexplicable attractions that are often developed by pre-adolescent and adolescent young people (and some adults, I would say) toward people to whom they might be slightly attracted.
Now, it is important that I make a clarifying distinction--there are "romantic" crushes and "identity" crushes. I am talking about the latter kind. Psychologists say that although the crush appears to be about attraction to another person, it is actually about projection of valued attributes onto another person. In this sense, the crush is a statement about what a person finds attractive. In this, crushes are very revealing.
So, remembering that the person who has the crush largely projects onto another person idealized attributes the admirer highly values and wants to be associated with, and then she or he attaches strong positive feelings to the perfectly wonderful image that has been created, we need to take a look at what people are projecting onto Mr. Trump. and that is harder to examine, given that few of the people I have met or know actually support him. Think about it--we do not have to study Mr. Trump and his message (at last I don't think we do), we have to study what admirers have projected onto him.
The media are missing the point by choosing to publicize all of his ridiculous statements, aren't they? This complicates things. I will have to step aside and try studying what people are projecting onto him, but at the moment, no one I know personally is openly supporting him. "Is a puzzlement," said the King in "The King and I."
When I was a boy, world was better spot
What was so was so, what was not was not
Now, I am a man, world have changed a lot
Some things nearly so, others nearly not"
So, onward we must go, mostly without the help of the media, to learn what those having this short-term "crush" on Mr. Trump are really seeking. Or, we can accept the media's current perspective, which seems to be "Wow, listen to what that whacko Trump said yesterday! And look at the polls, he leads all the other Republican candidates, so all of them must be whacko, too."
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Testing Google, 1, 2, 3....
To understand the ultimate question being asked herein, I have to set the stage by providing some background. I live in a warm climate (and have for the past twenty years). In such a climate some things are unavoidable. High temperatures in the summer, exceeding 100 degrees Fahrenheit, at times is one example. Relative humidity levels often track the same path, into the 90's.
People, even some in my category who arrived here intentionally, are wont to complain about some of the conditions that accompany this weather. "Oh, I sweated through my shirt today." or "I can feel my sweat dripping down the back of my pants leg," or "I had to stop to clean the sweat off my glasses," and even, "I had sweat dripping off the end of my nose (in some cases mingling with snot, if you must know)." Such are the conditions we are expected to tolerate willingly, having been born or moved into this kind of climate.
I am almost sure that women speak amongst themselves about annoying effects of such hot weather, even as they pretend they do not sweat profusely like men, they merely perspire. But no women were interviewed in preparation for this story. I have to admit I was reluctant to even bring the matter up in mixed company as my wife has made it known to me that I sometimes venture into conversational territory in which I do not belong, and she has not, in recent memory, been unwilling to tell me to butt out.
A fairly recent development has been the temporary reduction in wardrobe made necessary by another spell of temporary homelessness--yes we are moving again, and it has nothing to do with bill collectors, As we are between houses, so to speak, we are unable to transport with us our entire wardrobes (even the magnificent splendor normally found in my closet and dresser drawers). This condition required--for me at least--that I narrow it down to three pair of shoes--twenty-five percent of my total collection. Please note, no such limit was imposed on my spouse, not even proportionally, for example, say limiting her to thirty pair of shoes). Whatever--I chose a pair of New Balance cross-trainers (in geezer white, of course), a pair of sandals (not flip-flops, they irritate my left big toe), and a pair of boat shoes or deck shoes. You know what I mean, they were originally popularized by Sperry, and copied by many others. The pairs I have--yes, I have two, for reasons to be explained later--are marketed under the Margaritaville brand, although I doubt Margaritaville has a shoe manufacturing arm, just a marketing one. They are newly purchased, within the last six months, as I recall.
Now most of the time, I place socks over my feet before donning the shoes (no, not the sandals--way too dorky!). While visiting cooler climes, where we wore jeans and even long-sleeved shirts at times, this was not a problem. As we worked our way back south, a vexing problem set in. Wearing socks inside boat or deck shoes in shorts is really dorky, or at least in my mind it is. I even tried those socks that barely reach the shoe tops. The problem with those is two-fold--first they are still visible inside your shoes, thus duplicating the dorky effect of wearing taller socks; and, secondly, they tend to roll down the back of your feet, and slide beneath your heel into your arch. Uncomfortable and not very attractive!
So, eventually, I started wearing these boat shoes without socks. It was just a necessary step, so to speak. Not long thereafter, I received a complaint, from my regular roommate, passenger/driver, etc.--my wife. She claimed my feet, which naturally sweat a little in the warmer weather, smelled awful (I think there were a few more emphatic descriptors added, but I have forgotten them). At any rate, she soon extended that description to my shoes even when my feet were not presently in them. I had to purchase another pair of identical shoes--ones that did not smell--to replace my first pair even though they were not worn out.
Realizing I would soon own way too many pairs of shoes, I had to act fast. I consulted the all-knowing, all-seeing source of wisdom--Google. "How do I keep my feet from smelling?" If you keep looking, you will eventually find the simplest remedy ever, but you are going to have to go look for yourself. I will not spell out this remedy, but you will eventually find it, there are bound to be leaks.
At any rate, I have adopted this solution, but I have one simple problem. I do not know if it works! I lost my sense of smell some time ago (which my wife says explains why she is constantly on my case about it). She is only trying to help--oh, of course--since she knows of my lost sense of smell. I am reluctant to ask my wife if the problem has gone away, since she would stay at me until I provided a detailed explanation, and I will not do that, period. You would know why I won't tell her if you knew what method I have begun to employ. She just would not be very understanding about it. In the mean time, I will just have to go on not knowing---unless, maybe I should just google this one, too! Let's see....
People, even some in my category who arrived here intentionally, are wont to complain about some of the conditions that accompany this weather. "Oh, I sweated through my shirt today." or "I can feel my sweat dripping down the back of my pants leg," or "I had to stop to clean the sweat off my glasses," and even, "I had sweat dripping off the end of my nose (in some cases mingling with snot, if you must know)." Such are the conditions we are expected to tolerate willingly, having been born or moved into this kind of climate.
I am almost sure that women speak amongst themselves about annoying effects of such hot weather, even as they pretend they do not sweat profusely like men, they merely perspire. But no women were interviewed in preparation for this story. I have to admit I was reluctant to even bring the matter up in mixed company as my wife has made it known to me that I sometimes venture into conversational territory in which I do not belong, and she has not, in recent memory, been unwilling to tell me to butt out.
A fairly recent development has been the temporary reduction in wardrobe made necessary by another spell of temporary homelessness--yes we are moving again, and it has nothing to do with bill collectors, As we are between houses, so to speak, we are unable to transport with us our entire wardrobes (even the magnificent splendor normally found in my closet and dresser drawers). This condition required--for me at least--that I narrow it down to three pair of shoes--twenty-five percent of my total collection. Please note, no such limit was imposed on my spouse, not even proportionally, for example, say limiting her to thirty pair of shoes). Whatever--I chose a pair of New Balance cross-trainers (in geezer white, of course), a pair of sandals (not flip-flops, they irritate my left big toe), and a pair of boat shoes or deck shoes. You know what I mean, they were originally popularized by Sperry, and copied by many others. The pairs I have--yes, I have two, for reasons to be explained later--are marketed under the Margaritaville brand, although I doubt Margaritaville has a shoe manufacturing arm, just a marketing one. They are newly purchased, within the last six months, as I recall.
Now most of the time, I place socks over my feet before donning the shoes (no, not the sandals--way too dorky!). While visiting cooler climes, where we wore jeans and even long-sleeved shirts at times, this was not a problem. As we worked our way back south, a vexing problem set in. Wearing socks inside boat or deck shoes in shorts is really dorky, or at least in my mind it is. I even tried those socks that barely reach the shoe tops. The problem with those is two-fold--first they are still visible inside your shoes, thus duplicating the dorky effect of wearing taller socks; and, secondly, they tend to roll down the back of your feet, and slide beneath your heel into your arch. Uncomfortable and not very attractive!
So, eventually, I started wearing these boat shoes without socks. It was just a necessary step, so to speak. Not long thereafter, I received a complaint, from my regular roommate, passenger/driver, etc.--my wife. She claimed my feet, which naturally sweat a little in the warmer weather, smelled awful (I think there were a few more emphatic descriptors added, but I have forgotten them). At any rate, she soon extended that description to my shoes even when my feet were not presently in them. I had to purchase another pair of identical shoes--ones that did not smell--to replace my first pair even though they were not worn out.
Realizing I would soon own way too many pairs of shoes, I had to act fast. I consulted the all-knowing, all-seeing source of wisdom--Google. "How do I keep my feet from smelling?" If you keep looking, you will eventually find the simplest remedy ever, but you are going to have to go look for yourself. I will not spell out this remedy, but you will eventually find it, there are bound to be leaks.
At any rate, I have adopted this solution, but I have one simple problem. I do not know if it works! I lost my sense of smell some time ago (which my wife says explains why she is constantly on my case about it). She is only trying to help--oh, of course--since she knows of my lost sense of smell. I am reluctant to ask my wife if the problem has gone away, since she would stay at me until I provided a detailed explanation, and I will not do that, period. You would know why I won't tell her if you knew what method I have begun to employ. She just would not be very understanding about it. In the mean time, I will just have to go on not knowing---unless, maybe I should just google this one, too! Let's see....
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