Moving Forward--Am I in Italy or Holland?

The path just never seems very even or predictable. It's more like trudging up a hiking path to the crest of some hill, in a mist. It meanders right and left, in circles at times. Occasionally there is a sharp turn or even an obstacle that makes you turn back and restart at the last fork. But, once in a while you take a few steps right in a row and it feels like progress, or else you have wandered off the path altogether. Still, you face forward and move again.

But the temptation to look back and estimate how far it is back to safety doesn't go away and you wonder--is this the right way?

I am at a crossroads again, and the old procrastination is setting in. I know the next steps to take. They flashed into my head all at once yesterday. But, what if this isn't the right choice? How do I know? Well, the answer can be found in one of two ways--try it and see where it takes you or stall until it passes you by. Either way, it will come and go. The up side of letting it pass you by is there is no risk of failing, or so you tell yourself. The down side, you will never really know. The up side of trying it is you learn a few things and find out the truth about what it is like. The down side is you might fall on your face.

At issue is whether or not to pursue a role as an advocate for research on a specific physical challenge I have. Part of me wonders if this is the right path and part of me says it's perfect.

One thing I am committed to is to find and use every tool I can use to fight my challenge and that sure fits with my pursuit of the role of research advocate--I will learn more and can help others discover and use those tools as well Denial is a self-limiting strategy.

In the midst of all this, I heard a man offer an analogy about life's challenges. "It's like you spend years dreaming of and planning for a trip to Italy, then you take off and land in Holland instead. You can spend your time complaining you are not in Italy, or you can look around and see what Holland has to offer." I was blown away. My approach up to now has been limited to fighting my particular challenge and denying it. Now I am not ready to stop fighting it, but denial is no longer an option. Welcome to Holland.