The Inside Story

Lately, I've been looking at things from a different perspective. Internal vs. External. Much of what I have done until now has been driven by roles, expectations and obligations. As a child, I had a role which my parents defined, accompanied by some very clear expectations--do my chores, go to school, study hard, don't fight with my brothers, etc. All these things were really just required behaviors that were visible and external.

Later, I attended a university and obtained an education, because that was what was expected if you were going to become an adult.

As life went on, there were many external things--choosing a career, getting a job. Then there was choosing a mate and starting a family, which included the obligation of providing food and shelter, obtaining the other material things we wanted to add to our comfort, pleasure, etc. Of course, to make those things happen, I had assumed the role of employee--performing the obligations that came with that position. All the rest depended on keeping that job

Along the way, all of that external stuff took precedence over the internal things.

I had to make compromises that usually meant letting externals take precedence over internal things, Pursuing a career was balancing two elements, I learned. I had to balance what interested me (which was internal) alongside what I could do to make the money I'd need to be independent (external). So, I chose a career that was a form of compromise between the two. But the reality was far different from what I thought it would be while I was in school. There was very little of what interested me, and a lot of what I just had to do to make money. I remember the feeling of depression that came over me on Sunday evenings early in my career--facing another work week. I adjusted, grew up and became more comfortable in the career I had chosen, but I remember it was a struggle.

Today, I would tell a younger person that doing what is expected in your job is an obligation you accepted when you took the job. If it doesn't work for you, don't blame it on the organization--decide whether it is worth it and stay or go on that basis.

The roles of father and husband were usually pretty clear to me. I could look to my parents for an example of how to make family and marriage work. Their example taught me you work at it and remain committed to succeeding and it will work out. But, the truth is, I didn't have to wonder what to do--My father, the visible role model, set out pretty clearly what I had to do. I had to choose my own way, but I was doing the same things.

Today, I am looking ahead to what the 2nd half of life will look like. I find myself looking inside. Life will change without the usual roles of employee (I'll retire from my 1st half career) and father (the kids are grown and mostly on their own). The "husband" role is still around, but I think it will evolve a great deal in the next few years.

But just what do I want? There is no real pattern or role to follow, no obvious choice or obligation. Some people think there may be too many choices in front of us. One fact I am pretty sure of is the "golden years" model is not for me. I'll likely work, but not in the field I am in today. I want to do something else, now that I can. So my focus is on the inside, much like it was when I was choosing a career the first time. But this time I see a need for a better fit to my values and a greater focus on what I want to contribute going forward, not on what I will get materially. You see, I don't have 60 or so years ahead of me, it might be three years or it might be thirty-three. With that in mind, my choices will be different this time. There's a new story to write and it will take some time for me to write it. I just know I'll be looking on the inside.

Where It's At--Retiring in the Right Place

Lately, I've been thinking about "place," as in where to spend the 2nd half of life for us. The concept, it seems, includes more than just geography.

Oh, sure, there's where you are in relation to the important parts of the country. I'm finding the important parts of the country are more often associated with where important people in your life are located--like siblings, parents, children, best friends, to name a few. So, where you are in relation to important parts of the country is also mostly about who, isn't it?

I had an uncle who had 13 children (Catholics, what can I say?), and calculated that Springfield, IL was the geographic center of his family's respective locations. So, after reading up on the city and liking what he learned, he moved there. It didn't last, and I don't think his family came to visit him there much anyway; so he and my aunt moved to Helena, MT where they lived in the early years of their marriage and were happy they did.

A place that people want to come and visit can be an asset, too. My uncle's plan didn't take that into consideration--while Springfield, IL was a fine place to live, his extended family just wasn't that likely to pick it as a vacation destination.

Then there are the other facets of geography, like proximity to lakes, the ocean, mountains, etc. If you particularly like to spend time close to one of those listed, you'll want to bear that in mind. I especially like the beach and warm climate, so I have gravitated to Coastal South Carolina.

But yet another aspect of "place" has occurred to me. Part of what makes a place special is what and who you surround yourself with. That's community. You can move to a place and never know the best things about it if you don't get involved in your community. Will there be ample opportunity to join groups and give back to your community in your retirement place? Think about it and consider the people you can and will rub shoulders with in your "place." As they used to say--"that's where it's at."

Gregory Bleers, Sr. R.I.P.

My sister's husband of more than 40 years passed away in his sleep last night. His passing was painless, we are told (for him at least). My sister says his final weekend was spent happily--with family in Saugatuck, Michigan, puttering around the house and holding his newest grandbaby. He listened to the Masters' results on the way home and watched the highlights last night before he went to bed--he loved golf. Golf was a vice he took up later in life, I think after all his children were grown. Like me, he would hit a couple of good shots a round, and that was enough to keep him coming back.

Greg had the most energy of anyone I have known, he was always on the move--doing something, helping someone. We saw him at one end or the other of long trips for the past 25 years, as we moved to the Southeast that long ago. Sheila remembers him as always carrying someone's suitcase in from the car, whether when arriving at our place in the company of my 2 sisters and Mike, or when welcoming some of the many arrivals to our annual family reunion in Saugatuck. One final example, the last time he visited us, he cleaned out my garage!

He was one of those people who never met a stranger, he loved to talk and to strike up a conversation with people he encountered along the way. I never saw him be other than friendly toward every stranger he encountered.

Greg didn't hesitate when the chance came to chip in with his children to buy a vacation home and invest lots of sweat equity making it the place they dreamed it could be. When his kids needed his help, he was there. He helped his son rehab a house over the course of what seemed like a year or more, gutting the place and rebuilding it piece-by-piece.

I see so many smiles when I picture him, whether it was the impish grin when he was up to something or the positively beaming smile he would offer when one of us would tease him. He was full of life, and I'll miss him.

His passing is one of those events that gives me pause and makes me reflect on how my life is playing out. Am I doing all the important things I can? As I write the story of my life each day, am I including all that I value the most? I know this event is not about me, but I'm thinking it is one more gift from Greg--reminding me that life is better spent on the move than at rest, with a smile not a frown, and giving others a hand while you have the chance.

Suppressing the Warbles x

Henry David Thoreau once wrote "As the sparrow had its trill, sitting on the hickory before my door, so I had my chuckle or suppressed warble which he might hear out of my nest." As I stepped outside to pick up the paper on this chill February morning, I took a breath, sighed and walked to the mailbox. Nothing wrong with hanging around here. No suppressed warble though, as I spotted my neighbor and first greeted him, then greeted his dogs by name--dogs are people, too, you know. Even on a Saturday morning, the notion of just watching, remains just out of reach, natural as it is. Years of conditioning have reinforced the other natural activity--constantly flowing thoughts of everything but just sitting still. Even so, I'll settle for what comes along, just being here. I listened to two friends talk about last night about their lives, one remarking he was just glad to make it this far alive, "With each year better than the last," he says, "what could be better than just being here?" The other talked about the joy of just being free to experience life in such a beauiful place. He said he has no room in his life for people who whine about their situation. Look on the bright side, he urges. So this morning, I will join them and enjoy just being here, and I'll warble if I want to.

Economic Stimulus and Me

Economic Stimulus and Me

Not that I believe the world is "all about me," but I've now seen what Washington prescribes to help us through the next two or three years of the inevitable business cycle... I'm still looking. I'm not looking for the federal government to take care of it, but I'm looking to me. What is it I am going to do?

The fact is, after whipping up all the hysteria the past several months, our leaders in Washington don't have any better answers than they had at the beginning. These are probably people with mostly good intentions, trying out what they think are their best ideas for turning things around. The sad fact is they don't know what, if anything, they can do to move things in an upward direction. It is a cycle, after all, and we're bound to have downturns like these. While many think they have the answers, the only certainty we have about what works is by hindsight. Oh, well...

So what do I do to get through the next 2-3 years? I'm looking at what I have and what is truly important to me. I have a family, I have friends and I live in a caring community. What's so bad about that? Would I trade any of those things for a few more dollars in my 401K, or a newer car to drive? No way in the world! But here's the challenge--what will I do, now that I am reminded of what is important to me? I can find ways, I think, to spend more time, give more attention to the people I love and the people who are important to me. The researchers on life transition at MetLife's Mature Market Institute have asked the question--"how can we discover what matters?" In framing the question they have hit upon a structure for meaning in life that I like. Meaning is found

• spending time with friends and family you love,
• helping make things better for others,
• using your talents to accomplish things that matter and
• enjoying personal interests like hobbies.

Talking with people of a certain age, they have found that meaning (loosely defined as our family, friends and community) is more important to most Americans than money. So ask yourself this question--what am I doing to put more meaning into my life? There are a host of other questions, but I think this makes a good one for starters.

What Do You Want to Do?

What Do You Want to Do?

It seems like an obvious question, doesn't it? But it has multiple dimensions, especially for people entering the 2nd half of life; including time, type of work and compensation. Many people I talk to are looking for non-traditional schedules. They mean to work, and not necessarily just any time they feel like it, but perhaps only for certain months out of the year. Others want to work only on a contract-basis, perhaps a month or two at a time. This variety of approaches may make these people a form of contingent workforce. That can be attractive to employers needing help, but not in a hurry to expand their full-time, permanent workforce in the face of economic uncertainty. Others simply want to work part-time, a few hours at a time, a few days a week. This can sometimes make finding suitable work difficult. Then again, in certain fields, part-time employees are the norm, rather than the exception.

Next, what kind of work do you want to do? Is this your way of giving back? Is it a way to meet and talk with new people? Do you have a hobby or other special interest you'd like to pursue? I know people who have picked up enough know-how to be dangerous in web-site design and related work to take that up as a part-time occupation, helping those who know a lot less about it than they do. Still others were always intereested in books, so working in a bookstore suits them perfectly. Have you left your first career intending to get as far away from what you did in that time? Do you want to continue to work in the field in which you worked during your first half of life? That is sometimes the best way to maximize your income. Which leads us really to the next question.

Yes, there's the question of compensation. I have heard it said that volunteers are under-valued by their "employers." The mind-set apparently is that volunteers aren't getting paid, so you can waste their efforts with impunity. Much of what I read about the social dividend from retired baby-boomers engaging in the volunteer workforce actually provides dollar-estimates of the value of all the volunteer work being offered by this workforce. Whichever camp you are in, placing real value on their contribution seems to make better sense. The fact remains that you have to gauge what you want out of this new form of employment. If you plan to do it for money, how much will you want to make this employment suit your needs? If you just don't want to fall into the trap of being undervalued (or asked to do very little of any importance) because you are uncompensated, how much will be enough?

There is a growing segment of the population (especially under 65) who want to work to obtain health care coverage. This is not as common in smaller businesses, so it may narrow your options a bit. In the alternative to having employer-provided coverage, you may just want to ratchet up the target for wages you wish to earn to cover the cost of getting it for yourself through someone like AARP (anyone over 50), MegaLife or other health insurance provider.

The bottom line is, think these things through ahead of time and you can avoid chasing rabbit trails that are leading somewhere you really didn't want to go in the first place.

What Me, Practice?

What Me, Practice?

By now, you have what you think is a natural style and way about you. You probably figure you can just wing it in an interview. Not so fast... Yesterday's interviews may have been only about you and not about them. Jobs were a more or less static thing and they were looking for a peg about the right circumference to fit their round hole. Alas, the world no longer works that way. There are many ways that organizations are dynamic and roles are constantly evolving. Consequently, today's interviews are a little different. Prospective employers are often looking for you to tell them how you can solve their challenges. They'd also like to see you have taken the time to get to know enough about them to enable you to show them they need what you have to offer. Or, it might be that together you and the people you are meeting with are discovering what it is you can do for them. If they aren't thinking that way when you walk in, your job is to make sure they are thinking that way when you walk out.

Enough about attitude, I said you need to practice. If you are going to do as well as you can, you need a plan. Talking points aren't just for politicians. Anyone who has a message to send can use three to five. What are the three to five key messages you want to get across in your interview? You need to compress the mountain of benefit they would receive if they hire you into just three to five simple ideas. Then you need to dream up some questions that you might use to launch your ideas in response to. There are, in fact, some formula-questions. They are questions that interviewers can't help asking, if only out of habit. "Tell me about yourself." "What are your strengths?" "What would your last employer say was an area where you could improve?"

I have a book of questions that people ask in interviews and you could probably pick up something similar. It's not really important which one you use. What's important is practicing the art of turning those questions into a means to instill one of your key messages. But have ready an example of how you used these skills in your work or personal life. Any question that is not looking for a specific piece of factual information can be adapted for your use. An interviewer might lob one of those softballs in the preceding paragraph and you can bat that one out of the park, or you may just have to turn one of those "behavioral questions" into your vehicle. "Tell me about a time when you used your problem-solving skills." Search your memory bank for a few real-life situations you went through to be ahead of the game. Being able to describe a specific case of how you have done just what they need done will convince them they need what you have to offer. If you're like me, those ideas don't turn up in the interview setting because your smooth, easy style tends to unravel a bit in the pressure of an interview. So, plan ahead and practice. You will enhance your chances of success and feel better about your effort to put your best foot forward. How you feel is as important to good delivery as what you say.