A & W's 2017

Yes, the A and W's that day in 2017

They went to talk about life all those years they’d seen. 

Since they’d left high school back in Sixty-Eight

And see old friends, hearin’ tales, small and great

In Mesa Arizona they did congregate.

It wasn’t just the Cubs they came to celebrate,

But more likely the stories they would hear told

About lives filled with some new things, some old.

Like gray hairs on Crowls, Sheehan and Beans

Not looking much like themselves as teens.

And then just look at Dirk, Erik and Denny

Among those guys there were changes plenty,

It's just right now I can't think of any.

But, oh there were laughs and stories many.

First, Denny, whose efforts drew us all here,

To the Cubs’ training camp he made us all steer.

Persuasive as always, “we can do it” he insisted.

With that kind of effort, who could have resisted.

Erik wrote he’d handsomely matured

About handsome we’ll just have to take his word.

Maturity’s in question, he’s ridden that bike

Way longer, we’re sure than his wife would like.

We have one guy who loves to talk politics.

Sayin’ those right-wingers are up to their old tricks

Tellin’ us Socialists are the only wise owls

Yep, it sure is nice to see old Crowls.

 Way too long since we’ve seen Bob Sheehan

Up in Sioux City, a good grandpa he’s bein’

About those Cubs he cares not one iota

He’s probably closer to Minnesota.

We’ve all heard a lot about Ol‘ Durk

In Saratoga Springs, the summers he did work

Now retired, there he sits on his kiester,

Says he loves it ‘cept when there’s a Nor’Easter.

Bremner was there from the Eastern Shore,

You might be wondering, just what he wore.

Well, of course, he wore his L.L. Bean’s

What else would serve as good blue jeans

For a guy that they once nicknamed Beans?

Don’t forget Jim Kane and Old Ralph Scafuri,

Ralph worked in hospitals, and Jim before a jury.

Ralph became a doctor, specializing in joints. 

Jim, a lawyer, knows the law’s finer points.

Did you know today they both live in Arizona?

Don’t you think that’s too close to Terry Francona?

And here’s a toast to Tony, John and Eddie

Who left this earth before we were ready,

And to Erik, the Bag and Good Old Hags

We wish they could’ve packed their bags

To join us here in Mesa, hot and sweaty.

Travel Bans, Big Plans, Eagles and Beagles

We’ve Got A Plan

It was at first the president’s grand plan,

It would start out as just a temporary ban

We’ll have the people who Enforce Immigration and Customs

 Just stop all the bad ones, but that’s where the rub comes.

‘Cause how can ICE decide who to welcome or to ban?

And the courts started sayin' "not just anybody can."

But Isn’t Immigration A Kind Of Two-Way Street?

Two ways, it turns out, humanity steadily flows.

So shutting off the current caused a great many woes

It seems you need to know more than one’s birth nation

Or else your choices can cause much consternation.

You see “vetting a process” is not just bein’ on your toes.

Alas, these are families, not just friends or foes.

And What About Those That Are Already Here?

Oh that’s just a simple thing, the costs are minimal

We’ll only send away those that did something criminal

Whoa, but what about “innocent ‘til proven guil-a-ty”

Only the courts have that responsibility

Now all kinds of people crowd ‘round the airport terminal

Not just friends but others whose bonds are familial. 

How Do We Know Who is A Criminal Now?

If crossing the border paperless is not strictly legal,

And a criminal’s one who’s done something illegal.

Then all illegals they find will now be deported

Is the President’s intent here being distorted?

Should our “strength and freedom” evoke the Bald Eagle,

Or is it more like Snoopy the Speechless Beagle?

Just a Couple of Suggestions from a Regular Newspaper Reader

Dear Mr. Editor:

I’d appreciate it very much if you would just hear me out on a couple of suggestions I just want to share with you.

Suggestion 1.  Provide Separate Coverage: 

If you could, Dear Editor, please offer a separate section to cover “Trump News.”  Therein, you might disclose the latest “scandal,” the late-night “Tweets” from the politicians and the other elites like actors, artists, celebrities-celebrated-for- something-we-no-longer-recall, and slanted editorials masquerading as journalism on the subject of Donald Trump.  

Suggestion 2.  Offer Some Traditional Journalism: 

Also, if you can, train some new hires as “journalists.”  Yes, reporters who uphold the principles of the American Society of Newspaper Editors (ASNE) as contained in the ASNE Statement of Principles. 

Interesting piece of work, this Statement of Principles is.  Among other things it includes the following:

In Article I Responsibility “The primary purpose of gathering and distributing news and opinion is to serve the general welfare by informing the people and enabling them to make judgments on the issues of the time.”

It goes on to state in Article IV, “Every effort must be made to assure that the news content is accurate, free from bias and in context, and that all sides are presented fairly.”  Hmmm, I like the sound of that.

Next, Article V Impartiality advises that, while there is nothing that requires “the press to be unquestioning or to refrain from editorial expression. Sound practice, however, demands a clear distinction for the reader between news reports and opinion. Articles that contain opinion or personal interpretation should be clearly identified.”

Lastly, Article V Fair Play requires that “Journalists should respect the rights of people involved in the news, observe the common standards of decency and stand accountable to the public for the fairness and accuracy of their news reports.”

If you could include the work of these “newly trained” new hires in a small section called “Traditional Journalism.” You know, the kind that allows the reader make up his own mind and is both accurate and unbiased.  And, if it’s not too much to ask, let it be impartial—clearly separating reporting of events from editorial opinion—and observe common decency.  And, while I understand just how difficult it would be (and this is why I ask for only a smallish section of your paper), stand accountable for the accuracy of what you say. 

Go ahead and devote the rest of your paper to “celebrity news,” and the latest foibles of Donald Trump and his friends and family.  One more thing, I like what you’ve done with sports—providing a “Scoreboard” that is separate from the latest scandal about sports endorsements, drug use, ridiculous monetary compensation practices, and “celebrity sports news.”  Now this may just be a personal preference, but if you could make the Scoreboard the first page of the sports section, followed by regular columns from a few knowledgeable sports commentators with a sense of humor—WOW! Would I ever like your paper!  (I know, I know, I promised to only offer two suggestions and this sports thing is probably a third one altogether.  Sorry.)   Thanks for listening, even though you probably felt the urge to edit the dickens out of this one from the start.  

Your Subscriber and Reader of Some Parts of Your Paper,

Me