Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Thinking About What Makes Friends

I've been thinking about friends again this week.  How rare they can be, how forgiving they have to be if your are not to lose them.   

One thing that stands out to me is that true friends are not blind to our faults.  In fact, we may have even learned they were true friends when we did something colossally stupid or made perfect fools of ourselves in their presence and they didn't feel we'd done so permanently.  I'm not saying they didn't notice.  The best of friends are never blind, they are just willing to close their eyes to your mistakes.  

I know, because I have made my share of blunders, and mistaken one thing for another countless times.  I have misunderstood people and acted on that misunderstanding only to find I was way off.  But, as Emerson said, "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."  Anyone who's been a friend of mine for a while has had to accept my being stupid more than once.  I've found if they still like me after that, they are probably my friends.  

I thought of citing some examples here, but those that have come to mind have been too embarrassing to put on display here.   I'll just point out I find it easy to misread the intentions of others because I'm projecting my own thoughts onto them.  It takes a good friend to wade through some of that and let it go.  

On a slightly less obvious level, friends can sit silently with you without being the least bit uncomfortable.  This is true in some of the most pleasant times, and the not so.  It's not just the not saying anything part.  That can go on among perfect strangers and mean nothing.  A crowd of people on a train or a bus not speaking to one another is not a gathering of friends.     It's the conversations or shared moments wherein you never need to say what's on your mind that count.  I don't need to come out and say it, my friend just knows.

In other graver circumstances of despair or confusion, a true friend can just hang in there being present and be comfortable.  That kind of friend doesn't see the need to fix things or to fix you.  That sort of friend just cares in person.  Great to have in your life.  

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