I grew up in Chicago, a while ago. I spent a little more than half my life so far there. That experience has given me a special perspective on transmogrification and it's time I shared it with you.
Not everyone knows this, but the Chicago Bears were among the founding members of the NFL and today they remain the only franchise in history to accumulate 700 wins. But my years in Chicago coincided with perhaps the lowest point in their storied history. Sure, they won the championship in 1963, but just my luck, that was the year before my parents allowed a TV into our house. After that, the Bears spent 13 long years without reaching the playoffs, and only twice had a winning record. Why? Well, I think it was a growing scourge I call QB transmogrification, visible to the naked eye only during playoff games.
The Bears finally made it to the playoffs again in 1977, and the first in a series of strange events took place. After leading the Bears to the playoffs, their quarterback, Bob Avellini, threw four interceptions against the Dallas Cowboys, setting a team record for interceptions in a playoff game--in a word, he was transmogrified. In 1979, the Bears were once again in the playoffs. This time, QB Mike Phipps was driving the team for the winning touchdown, only to throw his 2nd interception of the game in the end zone--transmogrified.
In 1982, the Bears drafted another quarterback, this one from Brigham Young University, Jim McMahon. McMahon had a knack for playing the game and was soon succeeding like few others had before him. He quickly established himself as the starter.
But the transmogrifications continued. In the playoffs following the 1984 season, with starter McMahon out for the season, backup QB Steve Fuller was sacked 9 times and threw an interception. The Bears were shut out, Fuller transmogrified. But why am I calling all of these events "transmogrifications?" What would you call it when a Bear suddenly and grotesquely turns into a goat?
I moved away to Atlanta the following Spring. What do you think happened next? Along came the 1985 Bears, led by Hall of Famers Dan Hampton, Mike Singletary and Walter Payton, with colorful QB Jim McMahon and track star-turned wide receiver, Willie Gault. They finished the season 15 and 1, and went on to win their first Super Bowl. My punishment.
It took 21 years, with numerous quarterbacks undergoing transmogrification along the way, but the Bears once again reached the Super Bowl in 2006 on the strength of their defense and a marvelous rookie kick returner by the name of Devin Hester. There the Bears' QB, Rex Grossman, coming off a breakout season in which he threw for more than 3,000 yards and 23 touchdowns, transmogrified just the same. He fumbled twice and threw two interceptions, one for a touchdown. The Bears lost.
Then, in 2009, the Bears made a blockbuster trade for a new quarterback, Jay Cutler. The following year, they hired a new offensive coordinator, Mike Martz, and signed three free agents, including Julius Peppers, committing $100MM to the task. The investments paid off. The Bears were crowned champs of the NFC North, and last Sunday, they played for the conference championship and the right to return to the Super Bowl. You probably already guessed this, but that quarterback, Cutler? He transmogrified--this time into a pussycat, leaving at the half with an injured knee. Their 3rd string guy, Caleb Hanie, came in and took over the goat--I mean quarterback--position, throwing an interception to a 400 lb. nose tackle he "didn't see" standing in front of his intended receiver. The 400 lb. guy ran it back for the winning touchdown.
Transmogrification is all over the entertainment sector these days, with the Twilight series and a new TV show "Being Human" about a ghost, a vampire and a werewolf sharing an apartment.
But there's one more grotesque change that takes place now and again, you can guess what it is. It's me, I change from an ordinary human to a Bear (fan, that is) and I sing--
Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the
way for victory.Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so
fearlessly.We'll never forget the way you thrilled
the nation, with your T-formation.Bear down, Chicago Bears and let them
know why you're wearing the crown.You're the pride and joy of
Illinois. Chicago Bears, bear down.
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