After That You’re On Your Own

I read something the other day that has stuck with me. "Biology will only take you to age 50, after that you have to give yourself a reason to live." At first, that didn't register with me. Biology? Taking me to age 50? But, if you're willing to combine biology with society's imperatives that have evolved from biology's, maybe it makes better sense. Biology drives us to ensure the survival of the species. You know, procreation and all that. Humans raise their children to have families of their own, etc. So society sets it up that way--we are brought into this world, and society has created this set of imperatives that carry us along. Most of us find ourselves down the track a long ways before we ever consider another choice. At age 3 or 4 we enter school and we are in the education box for 15 to 20 more years. Next, it's pursue a career so you can find a mate, have a family, etc. Raising that family will take you to about 50, so it makes sense. Now, I know there are some out there with the courage to start another family at 50, but, whoa….

So, having "been there done that" on raising a family, it's time for many of us to find a new purpose before we forget how to live.

It seems there are two paths to pursue, find something that really engages you and get involved in that, or find something with a higher purpose. What about purpose that engages you fully? Do you have a good sense of what really engages you? Don't wait to find out you've walked away from all the things that engage you when you left your first half career. Look carefully at what strengths you are using and how you feel when you are using them. Find somewhere to use them in another setting. Were you really engaged when you were speaking to groups? Did you lose yourself in writing? Was financial analysis what really revved you up? Was it nothing at all at work, but work-outside-of-work that really gave you enjoyment?

If you are drawn to the level of a higher purpose, there are lots of places where there is need. While you're out there looking for that purpose, how about giving some thought to Phil Collins' song—and "think twice, it's just another day for you and me in paradise." It's probably just me, but for weeks I haven't been able to get through a day without some echo of that song—

She calls out to the man on the street
sir, can you help me?
Its cold and I've nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?

Winter is approaching and there are all kinds of people suffering, hope we can find a way to help some of them.

Another thought, I know a man who, with a group of other successful men, mentors young boys at a nearby middle school. He provides an example, an adult they can talk to, and friendship along with some help in school. The program is highly successful and is having a real measurable impact on these children. How's that for some purpose?

In almost every community, there is Hospice. Living well in the end of life is important for everyone and there are both career opportunities and opportunities for volunteers. Giving back in this special way is another purpose.

Choose whatever path suits you, but don't rely on biology or society to carry you along. Finding your purpose is a job you'll have to do on your own.

Questions for Middlescence

A business consultant and coach whom I admire, Sherri Garrity (www.corporatefugitive.com), recently posted four questions her daughter was asked to ponder on the first day of school in the 3^rd grade. Sherri thought they were extraordinary, and I do, too. Here they are—

1. Who do we want to be?
   
2. What kind of people do we want to be?
   
3. What do we believe in?
   
4. What do we value or think is important?
   

Sherri asks them in a business context, and I think they are worth examining as you set the course for your 2^nd half of life. You see, these are the sort of questions you had the chance to answer once before—when you were struggling with adolescence. On the threshold of adulthood, you were answering those questions with the choices you made.

Who do we want to be?
Many of us were advised to focus on what we wanted to be when we grew up, and steered to answers that were really career choices. While that has served its purpose, you are probably freer to rethink this one in Middlescence. You don't have young children to raise, college loans to pay for, a home to buy, and all the other things that compelled you to work at a career that provided for your wants and needs. But who do you want to be, really? Do I want to be what I do?

What kind of people do we want to be? There was another wrinkle on this one. You answered this one by your choices in who you spent time with—what friends you had in school and the places you hung out. Later, it could have been the spouse you chose, the church you attended, the neighborhoods where you moved. It turns out your parents were right to be concerned about the crowd you ran around with, because it has a great deal to do with what kind of person you wind up becoming.

What do we believe in? In turbulent times, we do (and likely should) spend time on this one. Trials test our beliefs. If I believe in helping build a better community, I take an active role in helping make it so. If I believe children should be protected, then I do something when I see one in danger. In Middlescence you are getting a second chance to determine who you want to be, what kind of person you want to be, and more. Look at what you really believe for some answers.

What do we value or think is important? I don't know that it isn't possible to start here and work your way backward. If you think clean water is important, it may be because you believe we ought to be good stewards of the abundance around us, which may lead you to want to be around people who are interested in helping clean things up and that you want to be a person who takes action to protect and improve our waterways, instead of telling others what they should do about it or just talking. Just an example and not one that's necessarily universal, but I have a friend who has started up a foundation to support educating children on the importance of protecting our water, and I admire her stepping up to do something.

Whether you start at the last question or the first, these are worth examining as you tackle your great 2^nd half "do-over."